Reflections of Me

Dear Suckers...

2005-12-09T14:49:00.000-08:00

Ok so my friend and I have started a fun new website called, Dear Suckers. It's pretty much just me and Jason writing complaint letters to different people and things. Anyway, you can check it out if you'd like and if not that's cool too.

Flustered

2005-12-07T12:09:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I get really frustrated. I'll be honest I don't have many friends. I'm pretty shy so in general I have a hard time getting to know people. Most of my good friends are people I met online. For some reason I come out of my shell easier when I don't have to talk to someone in person. I don't know what it is really... I mean I guess I'm just kinda introverted ya know? When I was a kid I was even worse. Even at family gatherings I would usually keep to myself. With a book in hand I'd sit in the corner until somebody decided to come over and chat. LOL, I was a total book worm. One year I had broken my hip and had to spend my lunch hours in the library so I wouldn't get hurt on the playground. It was fun for me since I loved to read so much. Though it did nothing for me socially. I guess the real reason why I'm afraid of people is I always feel like I say the wrong things... Like, no matter how hard I try I can't get across my meaning. I think I'm pretty intellegent too (not to sound vain), so I don't think that's it. People just make me nervous. My family was really consious of what people thought of them and wasted no time in informing my siblings and I that we were to be above reproach. That we should be better then the norm... which is sad. I'm trying to get beyond bitching about my family but it's hard not to...

I was talking to my dad a few weeks ago about stuff. We got on the subject that I have this issue where I'm kinda afraid of when things are going good. Instead of enjoying success I'm looking for what's going to go wrong. Sometimes it even seems like I set myself up for failier cause I can't deal with anything else. Like, for example, I'll take on some impossible task, like doing a large complicated oil painting in less then a week. Now ya'll may not know about how oils work.. but they take FOREVER to dry. You have to be patient with them or it just turns into a big mess. Now this drive hasn't always been a disadvantage. A lot of times I end up doing things that surprise me cause I set my goals so high. My father though thinks there's a root to the problem that I need to find though. I can't even imagine what it is but I guess it's something I'll have to work through. I don't know why I thought of this today. Prolly cause I bought a new philosophy book because I'm going to do a study on that soon. I don't know. lol. Funny how the mind works.

Thanks again for listening to me rant, those of you who could get through it.

The Random Blog

2005-12-05T18:53:00.000-08:00

This is the Random Blog...

I'm trying to test some shit out on here..

I miss having photoshop on my main computer...

I ate too much this evening...

That is all..

Child you must be crazy!

2005-12-05T01:02:00.000-08:00

The Frug.

And I can do the frug
I can do the Robocop
I can do the Freddie
I cannot do the Smurf
And I can hate your girl
I can tell you that she's real pretty
I can take my clothes off
I cannot fall in love

And I can do the frug
I can do the Robocop
I can do the Freddie
I cannot do the Smurf

And I can watch TV
I can shuffle off to Buffalo
I can do a backbend
I will not call you back
And I can start a book
I can make some mac and cheese
I can sleep twelve hours
You'll never see my eyes

Chorus

And I can hate your girl
I can tell you that she's real pretty
I can take my clothes off
I cannot fall in love
You'll never see my eyes
I will not call you back
I cannot do the smurf
I cannot fall in love
I'll never fall in love
I cannot fall in love...

Chorus

I think this song is about stripping.. That's pretty damn cool if you ask me.

I love Tacos

2005-12-03T20:21:00.000-08:00

So like yeah. I'm really funny about food. I crave things really bad sometimes. Like mostly tacos. I always want tacos. Back in high school I remember more then once I would only eat Mexican food for like a week. We're talking breakfast burritos and enchalatas and rice and beans... Yeah that's the stuff... mmmm...

Operation Giftbox is underway!!

2005-12-02T19:21:00.000-08:00

So I got going on my Christmas shopping today. I've been planning and plotting for a couple weeks what I was getting everyone and now I'm confedent in my choices. I haven't bought anything for the boys yet but I want to talk to my husband about that first. He doesn't really care what I get for the other kids in the family but our own. I'm about half way through my list. Most of the problem is that I'm doing a dvd for the grandparents/parents of my kids this year and I'm not done with that yet. I need to get on it though because I'm really scared about shipping this time of year and want at least two weeks for it to get to my house so I can wrap it up. :)

Anyway, as you can tell there are a few changes around this joint. I'm going to try to be more attentive to it. I just get to doing other things. Speaking of which... Here's my deviant art site.
It has some of my paintings and photoshop creations on it.

Well I guess that's it for now.

I'm so lazy....

2005-12-01T22:26:00.000-08:00

Yes.. I am lazy DEAL WITH IT!!!!

JK, I don't know. I think I don't come out of photoshop all too often these days. Not to mention there are wee things that try to take up my time... damn wee things... Those little life suckers!!

Anyway... I think I'm going to change the layout in this place. It's all f-up when I look at it... like cock-eyed... it's really irratating...

Random Rant...

I enjoy hanging upsidedown until I start to feel faint... however I don't like when I actually pass out. Damn Communists...

Star Wars... and much more..

2005-08-28T23:32:00.000-07:00

So I've said before I'm quite a bit of a sw fan. I get teased by my husband relentlessly for it. I go to fansites, I'm a member at a very large sw forum, and yes I have a paid subscription to sw hyperspace. I like sw toys and I'm thinking about making my own Jedi robe for holloween (hey at least I have a somewhat practical reason for it). Anyway, I've been spending a lot of time with my chums at nightly lately. They are cool cats. I like them.

Elsewhere in my galaxy.... I think I'm in love....

with this new garbage CD!!! I really like it! Special thanks to my friend Brad for the recomendation. I listen to it all the time. I had a Mike's again tonight. I hate the after taste. It's soo gross. I don't know how ya'll who drink beer and stuff can handle it. I'm not at all ashamed to say that I really don't care for anything but the "girly" stuff. I used to like the other stuff back when I thought it was cool to drink but I think I must have gotten too drunk to notice the taste before. I'm not much of a drinker anymore anyway. I got into trouble from the stuff so it's not something I tend to do very often. But that's another story.... and it's not a happy one so it's not for this blog!! LOL.

I watched Moulin Rouge today. I just love that movie. The overall feel of the film is just increatible. The way the music, colors, and effects blend together, it's just.. FANTASTIC!! I think I shall watch it again tonight.

So like I'm feelin' kinda silly tonight so I think that will be it from me! laders, ladies and gents (if it so happens that gents read me blog!)

Ok so yeah...

2005-08-23T23:39:00.000-07:00

I can't be happy all the time so in an effort to be a mindless drone I'm going to just post lyrics and stupid polls. So with that I leave you with Garbage...

Why do you love me?

I'm no Barbie doll
I'm not your baby girl
So I've done ugly things
And I have made mistakes
And I am not as pretty as those girls in magazines
I am rotten to my core if they're to be believed

So what if I'm no baby bird
hanging upon your every word
Nothing ever smells of roses that rides out of mud

Why do you love me
Why do you love me
Why do you love me
It's driving me crazy

Why do you love me
Why do you love me
Why do you love me
It's driving me crazy

Why do you love me
Why do you love me
Why do you love me
It's driving me crazy

Why do you love me
Why do you love me

You're not some little boy
Why you acting so surprised
You're sick of all the rules
Well I'm sick of all your lies
Now I've held back a wealth of shit
I think I'm gonna choke
I'm standing in the shadows
With the words stuck in my throat
Does it really come as a surprise
When I tell you I don't feel good
That nothing ever came from nothing man
Oh man ain't that the truth

Why do you love me
Why do you love me
Why do you love me
It's driving me crazy

Why do you love me
Why do you love me
Why do you love me
It's driving me crazy

Why do you love me
Why do you love me
Why do you love me
It's driving me crazy

Why do you love me
Why do you love me

I get back up and I do it again
I get back up and I do it again
I get back up and I do it again
I get back up and I do it I do it again

I think you're sleeping with a friend of mine I have no proof
But I think that I'm right

And you've still got the most beautiful face
It just makes me sad
Most of the time

I get back up and I do it again
I get back up and I do it again
I get back up and I do it again
I get back up and I do it I do it again
I do it again
I do it again
I do it again
I do it again

Why do you love me
Why do you love me
Why do you love me
It's driving me crazy

Why do you love me
Why do you love me
Why do you love me
It's driving me crazy

Why do you love me
Why do you love me
Why do you love me
It's driving me crazy

Why do you love me
Why do you love me

Why do you love me
Why do you love me

I thought this would be fun

2005-08-06T14:21:00.000-07:00

Advanced Big 30 Personality Test Results

Sociability		17%
Aggressiveness		48%
Assertiveness		76%
Activity Level		33%
Excitement-Seeking		22%
Enthusiasm		81%
Extroversion		46%
Trust		79%
Morality		58%
Altruism		31%
Cooperation		73%
Modesty		92%
Sympathy		1%
Accommodation		55%
Confidence		70%
Neatness		76%
Dutifulness		15%
Achievement		85%
Self-Discipline		93%
Cautiousness		52%
Orderliness		65%
Anxiety		9%
Volatility		5%
Depression		10%
Self-Consciousness		61%
Impulsiveness		37%
Vulnerability		12%
Emotional Stability		78%
Imagination		51%
Artistic Interests		95%
Introspection		72%
Adventurousness		99%
Intellect		95%
Liberalism		13%
Openmindedness		70%

Take Free Advanced Big 30 Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

Trait	.	low score	high score
Sociability	17%	socially reserved, detached	friendly, open
Aggressiveness	48%	mild mannered, uncompetitive	predatory, domineering
Assertiveness	76%	introverted, loner	controlling, aggressive
Activity Level	33%	relaxed, laid back	vigorous, high energy
Excitement-Seeking	22%	sedate, restrained	adventurous, wild
Enthusiasm	81%	somber, pessimistic	cheerful, optimistic
Trust	79%	suspicious of others	trusting of others
Submissiveness	58%	rebellious, lawless	dutiful, obedient, compliant
Altruism	31%	selfish, cold, austere	helpful, selfless, indulgent
Cooperation	73%	argumentitive, confrontational	conflict averse, meek
Modesty	92%	arrogant, self-satisfied	humble, unassuming, doormat
Sympathy	1%	callous, heartless	empathetic, warm
Confidence	70%	not confident in work	confident in work, egoistic
Neatness	76%	disorganized, messy	planner, clean, anal
Dutifulness	15%	dishonest, derelict	honest, rule abiding, proper
Achievement	85%	lazy, unmotivated	driven, goal oriented
Self-Discipline	93%	procrastinator	responsible, efficient
Cautiousness	52%	spontaneous, daring, reckless	careful, controlled, safe
Anxiety	9%	relaxed, fearless	fearful, worrier
Volatility	5%	calm, cool	touchy, tempermental
Depression	10%	content, balanced	emotional, self hating
Self-Consciousness	61%	confident, assured	low self esteem, shy
Impulsiveness	37%	high self control	low self control
Vulnerability	12%	resilient, unphased	confused, helpless
Imagination	51%	practical, realistic	dreamer, unrealistic
Artistic Interests	95%	artistic indifference	art, nature, beauty lover
Introspection	72%	not self reflective	self searching
Adventurousness	99%	conventional, safe	spontaneous, bold
Intellect	95%	instinctive, non-analytical	intellectual, analytical
Liberalism	13%	conservative, traditional	progressive, open

I'm not surprized by my answers at all. It's funny how true it is actually.

"Jane, get me off this crazy thing!!!"

2005-07-02T12:27:00.000-07:00

The other day I sat and watched the show with my son Brenden (I make him watch boomarang with me because I like the old cartoons) and I couldn't help feel a little envious. I mean they've got machines all over to give them a hand, a robotic maid,

and a really cool flying car.

I know I sound like a total kid but that's ok. As I said in my last blog I'm having a little problems getting motivated. Though I totally feel like the cartoon on the front page of flylady :

Ack, I just feel like I'm burried in stuff. I know I have to do it but I'm too lazy to get started. I'm not naturally a messy person. Before I got married and started working my room was always very clean and my laundry was under control. Now I'm like a year behind on laundry and my house is well, a mess and if I don't get it done soon this is what my husband will be like when I go to bed every night:

Well, I guess I just need to go do it and stop my complaining.

So much to be done but no motivation

2005-07-02T00:45:00.000-07:00

It's so crazy how my brain works. I decided yesterday to clean out my office/dinning area to make it more functional and attractive. Well that has just opened up a whole big can of worms. There are books everywhere, art supplies all over, and random papers this way and that way. I don't know what I've gotten myself into. Oh well, I guess I'll have to drag myself out of bed in the morning to finish it up. Well I better get to bed so I can get a decent start on the day. Laters.

Poker, housekeeping, and more stuff...

2005-06-25T09:29:00.000-07:00

This week was my first without a job in two years. I decided to have my little ones remain in daycare until yesterday so I could get some work done around the house. It had gotten pretty bad so I thought it would be good to have unlimited time to do it. So I got everything but my room to where I can comfortably stand being there all day. It's going to take some time to purge the clutter I've managed to collect in there so overall I'm happy with what I accomplished.

Besides cleaning I managed to sneak out of the house a couple days and spent some time with my friend Lori. She's (here comes a bit of fun) my DH's boss's fiancée. She’s a really sweet girl. We pretty much just chilled at Daniel's (DH's boss) house all day. She's one of those people that you meet that is automatically your friend. You just can't help it too. She's just easy to get along with. So is Daniel btw. I really enjoy being around the two of them.

So anyway my DH is a pretty good poker player. He spent a lot of time learning how to be good and makes really good money doing it. Now of course he wants me to learn. I'm OK at it but I'm not a good loser so sometimes I get frustrated. For example a couple days ago I was down $35.00 at $3-$6 and was starting to get upset with myself. I don't tilt but I can feel the demon of distain creeping up my throat. I called Travis and told him. He just laughed it off and said "Oh don't worry about it sweetie, it's only 6 big bets." Darn money, it's not like it's coming from my bank account or anything, we keep it separate from our income. I just haven't gotten used to the idea of losing actual money yet. Oh well, tis the way of such things. Speaking of Poker and Daniel here's a funny picture of Hunter wearing a Stacked hat:

It's a new poker video game coming out sometime this fall. I thought the pic was just great I had to share it. Anyway, I guess that's all for now. Laters.

Ah yes, an update is in order...

2005-06-20T18:53:00.000-07:00

Ok so this week was my last week at work. My MIL was here all week to give us a hand with the boys and getting me to work. Friday, my last day was kind of a tough day. It was very bittersweet as I will miss the daily interaction with my friends but the payoff is that I will be with my boys all the time. Anyway, I don't have a lot of time so I'll leave it at that for now. Laters. ~J~

Picture Blog I

2005-06-08T11:20:00.000-07:00

My boys spent some time with my nephew this weekend so here are some pix from that visit:

All three boys on my couch. (order from l to r: Brenden 31 months, Hunter 14 months, and AJ 4 months)

"Mom, I'm not so sure about this kid."

Look at those baby blues!

Blankie!!!

Time for a field trip!

My boys messing around in the car cart at Smiths.

Gentlemen start your engines!!!

The boys had a really good time with their cousin AJ. Brenden really liked him but Hunter was shy. I think he was just leary because he didn't know what AJ was.

The Canvas

2005-06-06T15:36:00.000-07:00

I cannot even begin to express the kind of excitement I felt upon purchasing my first canvas in four years. It was incredible. When I pulled it out of the Aaron brother's bag I saw so many things come alive in my head. So many scenes so many people. All of which are just standing in wait for me to make them come alive with a soft stroke of my brush. It's hard to not get caught up in anticipation while painting. I have to remind myself to be patient let the pigments dry so they won't smudge. Such things are humbling and joyful in the same right. Anyway, so I spent the better part of Saturday night painting. Mostly Tuscan inspired landscapes, nothing too complicated. I had a fantastic time. I love sketching but I'm afraid this hobby might top that soon as I've already feel like I'm addicted.

Other then my artistic life I've been pretty busy with other things. I quit my job on Friday. I'm a little sad because it's been a great place to work and I'll miss seeing the girls everyday but I think this is for the best. I get to be home with my kids all day and that will wonderful. Hunter looked so good yesterday. He's been perpetually sick for weeks and it was beginning to feel like he would never be the same kid again. Well I guess this last regimen of drugs really did the trick because he's been so smiley and joyful. It's such a relief. Thank god we're getting him out of daycare. Anyway, I guess that's enough for now

A new look and name!!

2005-06-01T08:21:00.000-07:00

Ok I changed my blog a lot. I will not be posting the new updates of the F District on here because it just doesn't work with my new template. Well, I guess that's all for now. Laters!!

The F District

2005-05-29T21:19:00.000-07:00

I'm rolling out my new comic this week. I still have a lot of work to do on it but I thought it would be fun to show off episode 1 to those of you who read my blog.

It's a crude version of what I would like it to be but since I don't have photoshop right now I have to settle for paint and photo impression. Both of which are a pain to use. Anyway, there's not a whole lot going on here. I went and saw revenge of the sith last thursday. It was really cool. I want to go see it again...and again...and again. Then I will buy it. :) I love star wars. I will have to write about that interest another time when I have the energy to explain the interworkings of the force and my life. Ok well, I guess that's good for now. Laters!!

Making an effort to focus on the positive...

2005-05-20T16:51:00.000-07:00

Lately in my life it seems I've been focused on negitive things. So to make myself happier and to show my wonderful husband that I don't have just terrible things to say I'm going to make a blog that reflects me better. Not just the sad side but the joyful me too. Ok then, ta-ta for now.